I started my artistic journey on 11/12/13, and since then, I've seen lots of cool things, learned lots of cool things, & posted some cool things. However, I must say, after 4 years & 108 deviations later, I can't help but feel disappointed in myself.
Only 108 deviations in 4 years (aka) 1,460 days?! The last picture I drew, was the only picture I drew this year [so far], & even then, I feel like I didn't truly do it justice. 2017 has been a bit of a disappointing year [for many reasons]. I can't use my health as an excuse [anymore] either, because since my heart surgery last year, I've literally made a miraculous recovery, & have gone through many huge physical & emotional life changes/improvements. There are so many things I would like to vent/explain into this post, but I'm kind of at a loss as to how to express it; "Brain Fog" if you will (I picked a wrong day to post this). I guess what I really want to drive home is that: 1.) NO! I'm NOT dead, & I'm not throwing in the towel, and 2.) I really do want to be here, & I really do want to keep creating & posting, no matter what it is.
I think there are several things that are keeping me from completely giving into my anxieties; but right now all I can think of is that: 1.) If you're not seeing the kind of media you like, then you're [more than likely] going to have to create it yourself, 2.) You have to love what you create 1st, and if others love what you make too, that's awesome. Y'all have no idea how many projects I have that are just brewing in my brain, and on a long "To do list": Characters, stories, comics, poetry, music, beaded jewelry, etc., and I haven't even scratched the surface of that mountain. Anxiety is a frustrating thing, but luckily I'm doing my best to tackle it [with help], and will do my best to continue the path that I chose for myself. So, even though it may seem like an empty promise, I really will put out work soon, and I will try harder to be present, for my own sake, and yours. In conclusion, thank you for the 4 years.
Lots of Love,
Kiki Marie (aka) Skhaiwhaelz